Haven’t been on for awhile – told you February was kicking my butt. Anyway…normally when I click online I skim through the headlines of whatever news site pops up (I’m regularly on about four different computers, and each one has a different homepage). Today the first headline I saw was this:  

Thou Shalt Have Sex – God Wants Us to Do It Every Day,
Minister Says: His Emotional Plea 

And the first thought I had was “Ooooh, my boyfriend would NOT be happy if I had sex every day” since he travels a lot for work and if I was having sex every, there’d be a lot of days he wouldn’t be involved. But the headline is very attention-getting, isn’t it? Of course, out of context, the information used in the title from the sermon makes one think that there’s a minister out there randomly suggesting that every person on the planet go orgiastic, which <gasp!>, isn’t what the article is about. But it did get my attention. That, of course, is the point. Goes to the “don’t judge a book by its cover” – or apparently – an article by its title.

Ok, I just couldn’t resist another line from Shakespeare. This one I love in it’s context in Julius Caesar. But that’s not what this post is about. I just started Edith Wharton’s The Age of Innocence and I am really enjoying her use of words. It’s not a book to just whip through though. Tonight I’m tired, so I’m not going to comment much, but I just wanted to share a paragraph that made me laugh – because it reminded me of some students I teach who grew up speaking one language at home, spoke another language at school, moved to the United States and are now learning in English and I’m trying to teach them Shakespeare. Sometimes I feel like I’m swimming through layers of language barriers and by the time the student “understands,” it’s not at all what I started out saying.

From chapter one of The Age of Innocence:

“…an unalterable and unquestioned law of the musical world required that the German text of French operas sung by Swedish artists should be translated into Italian for the clearer understanding of English-speaking audiences.” 

I was surfing around some other Ellora Cave’s authors websites to see what was out there since I haven’t been around much lately and I came across SL Carpenter’s website. If you haven’t visited his site, it’s a great ride. A very sexy site, but what made me laugh was a collection of pictures he has posted. Be warned, there’s mature “adult type” nudity involved in some of the pictures.

Then there’s the chicken. That’s all I’m going to say about that. Some things you’ve just got to see for yourself. I laughed, but then again, at times I have a slightly twisted sense of humor.

Ah yes. A rose by any other name would smell as sweet – at least according to Bill. But, I’m not so sure that replacing all terms in the English language would have the same non-effect. Because right now, I am laughing so hard after just cleaning out my email spam box. I try to check it regularly since occassionally messages from new people wind up there because the addresses haven’t been cleared. Of course, a LOT of spam winds up there too. But that’s not why I’m laughing.

Apparently, a couple of days ago I wound up with a lot of ummm… lengthening advertisements. And though I write and read erotic romance, there were some new terms that – until I read through my spam – I had never considered using when referring to a man’s device. But I try to keep an open mind and thought before I just dismissed them out of hand, I should at least give them a try. So below I’ve taken some lines out of my own writing and inserted the new terms – just in case.

The partially opened sleeping bag had just enough give in it for her to raise her body up and position the head of his warrior of love at her entrance.

The head of his love weapon pushed at her entrance.With a gasp, she reached for his male machine.

With her fingertips, she traced his male meat from base to tip through his jeans.

She rode his massive erectile organ with abandon.

The change in position pushed his champion third leg in deeper. 

She murmured his name again, his enormous monster phallus hardening as her breath fanned over his skin.

She moved, hot and wet, against his enlarged ding-dong.

He filled her, stretched her with every pounding thrust of his anaconda-sized trouser snake.

Well…maybe I could use one or two in my next book – if I stop laughing long enough to type.

Eve